infinite.

I know it's 3:18 in the morning right now.
I just couldn't help myself.
I have so much clutter in the cottage of my brain.
I can't go to sleep with a cluttered cottage, you see.
All I know is I just finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower a few minutes ago.
I bought it a long time ago, and everyone's been telling me.
(begging me actually...)
to read it.
I always told them time and time again that I have a list of books
on my "to read" list, and I would get to it.
I try to save the best for last, but the "best" usually ends up being
the worst.
Not in this case...

It's a comfy sort of book.
I carried it around with me everywhere.
I understand why everyone likes it so much now, I think.

I guess i'll write about the past 2 days since I want
to keep writing...
but have nothing particular to write about.

Last night, I went to my friend Stefi's house.
We ate pasta with home-made meat sauce.
We watched Hannibal.
(with subtitles because we both seem to comprehend movies better with them)
Subtitles didn't help much. Hannibal confused us both.


Then we dared eachother to see how long we could last
listening to our ipods on shuffle, without skipping a song.

We didn't make it very far.
but I have 59 hours of music on my ipod.
I calculated.

This morning we ate cake and ice cream for breakfast.
Then, we watched at least 5 straight episodes of the Wildboyz.
We both love that show a lot.

Her parents were at work, so we decided to go on an adventure.
We walked to the library and stefi checked out an audiobook.
It was for learning italian, which she wants to learn just because.
No specific reason needed.

Then we walked across the street to this empty park.
We sat on the swings until we realized we were too big for them.
and it was very hot.
So we went and laid down in the shade for a bit.

We got hungry, so we walked to Jamba Juice and got smoothies
and pretzels.
(well, I got a pretzel...she didn't)
and on the way there our conversation went something like this:

stefi - "squirrel!"
me - "where?"
stefi - "ahhh, you missed it..."

a few seconds later....

stefi - "look! another one!"
rachel - "I don't see any squirrels stefi..."
stefi - "you missed it again!"
rachel - "seriously...I think you're making them up"
stefi - "no i'm not! they were there!"

hahaha.


Once we got back to her house, it was so hot inside and outside
that went into her backyard and told her to spray me with the hose.

She did.
and then we watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
and i'm never going to Texas.
ever...
okay, good morning.

up, and away. far away.

Oh boy...
I cannot wait until you are just an unfortunate memory
stored away in the back of my brain
Because really, truly...your face sends shivers
no...they're more like disgusted quivers
down the straight and narrow path of my spine

I remember seeing that movie
and thinking to myself
That it kind of resembled you
which led to me hoping and praying
that I was the only one who caught
this obvious resemblance...obviously

why are they hiring so many people that look like you
anyway?
don't they have people with monotone hair
and black-hole eyes to worry about
and pay large sums of money too?
apparently not, or else fate has been yearning
to torture and poke at me
like a silly scared animal in a cage
why are all these giant bald creatures
poking me with their twigs and knives

I forgot you existed for 2.5 seconds
until you changed "it"
and now I see "it" whenever I go "there"
so I don't go "there" anymore...unless my brain
has a memory lapse and I forget about "it"
Something that causes my innards to do somersaults
should be well remembered, should it not?

ah. i'm going to wash my face.

always.

me hi he

me...hi< he

me< hi< he

me? hi... he<>hi

me<<<< hi<>he

me...

Mama told me there'd be days like this...

All I want to do is make everyone's hurting go away.

All I want is for my heavenly Father put his hands on my shoulders
and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant".

you...

Why would you burn down all of the sturdiest bridges
that have held fast through tornados and thunder?
Why would you sacrifice those bridges
for the untrustworthy hazard
of a rope swing?

You're begging the forces of nature
to send you tumbling, down down
towards the rocky cliffs and unforgiving waters
in a bewildered panic.
and when you...if you, claw your way to the surface
this bridge will stand strong, forgiving, and trustworthy
to the end

Your flames do not work on me.

I don't know what to title this...

I am in such a bizarre, amazing, joyful mood right now.
Lately, many things have been getting me down
and these trivial disappointments have caused me to take a few steps
back from all the people that love me.
I've been quite anti-social these past few weeks.
I kind of gave up. I lost the the ability to care.
I just didn't want to talk to anyone.

But...I don't know.
Now, I just feel so hopeful.
Like, I have the entire world before me and I can't wait to just
gallop towards new experiences and people.
This can only mean one thing...Big Guy upstairs has finally ended my silly game of tag.
He just bellowed "GOTCHA!" in my eardrums and my entire body...
no, more like my entire BEING is quivering with excitement for HIS PLAN.
He wasn't even playing tag with me really...I was running away, but he was just sitting there, waiting for me to tire out and come home to His welcoming arms.


Dude, I don't even know what to do with all this joy.
I feel like running up and down my street a few times until I release all this pent up energy.



:D

this is it, this is it

if it weren't for the twirly-swirly-wizard-of-oz-storm
making its way around the canals and inner work-ings
of my brain...

maybe, perhaps, i would know how to begin...
introductions were never my thing.

so
why
is
it
that when you are so young, everything
begins to feel like armageddon
i have survived the end of the world
count-less times
if this is true
but it's not, it can't be...

left shoulder says grasp, claw, fake your way
even if it means you lose yourself
because somewhere deep inside your gut
you know you want it...

right shoulder SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF his/her lungs
be a constant, nothing lasts forever, only Him.
listen to mr. teo and miss cornelia.
please, they do know best.
even if they do connect ev-er-y-thing to a well thought out
fantasy world

so, may I take a quick li-ttle vote:
why do I continue listening to my stupid
left
shoulder?