foolish and tired

I searched all around
for the escaped bird
from the cage in my chest
in between my lungs

I searched under skycrapers
scoured the skyline
Peeked under doormats and forgotten lawn ornaments

Even the obvious haven of the bird bath
I searched all around, but couldn't find it

I almost drowned that day
I found it on the ocean's floor
broken along with the shells that were once cherished

I wish you were here when I lost my glasses
so you could take my hand
and help me remember the steps to take
make clear all the blurry edges

instead you run around in self-pity
and hide under the rug
from the world that is so beautiful
and disgusting at the same time

you were only aware of the beauty
until the world scraped at your ankles
and bruised your knuckles

so now, you hide under the rug
and leave me to find my glasses all by myself

life's ancient circle

The pulsing heat of summer
Gives way to the smiling light of autumn
Brilliant sapphires are defeated by wispy fire
Warmth crawls away into the cave it calls home
And golden wind hypnotizes the rusted leaves

A crisp white floats down like a sheet
The bleeding fall is hidden under a blank canvas
Winter is a sparkling handful of dust
Sprinkled down from the fingertips of God
Under the loneliness He gives us life

Blooms peek out from the blanket of snow
They yawn and breathe in the sweet scent of life
They stretch their leaves like a child
Reaching for the serenity of the heavens
Gardens awaken and birds whistle their joyful songs

The vibrancy of colors intensify
Blades of grass rise to face the blazing furnace
Atop the trees newborn leaves reclaim their thrones
The laughter of children echoes like the clinging of chimes
And life's ancient circle has once again proven its wisdom

I want?

i want to travel more
even if its just exploring my own neighborhood
pretending to be a visitor to my own town
so much has been left undiscovered
you can spend so much time somewhere
and yet be lost
its unfamiliar when you don't have the daily distractions

i want to eat healthy
ceremoniously burn every piece of poison
it all lives in my kitchen
slow murder? no.
slow suicide more likely.

i want to find my kindred spirit
& dance to the sounds of nature and decay
I want to read to elders and sing to children
even if my voice cracks and i blush
they only want someone to care

i want to stop being so negative
mostly judgemental...mostly cynical
where is the positivity?
its in me, i know
everyone has grown accustomed so i go along
so not to rock the boat
but the boat is going to rock
and you're all going to be sick
sea sick

i want to love all people, more than i already do
we have screened personalities
what are we hiding from? ourselves or others?
come give me a hug and we'll forget all about this
all of it
and leave only our dust behind

i want to stay away from drama
& the people that cause it
i want to find the ones that love
and care about others, with a regard for life
at its best or at its worst
only the regard matters to me

i want to paint more than i do
i want to sing more than i do
i want to cry more
i want to be honest
i want to stand in the sunlight
instead of shrink into the dark
stretch out my fingers and breathe in all that God has created

i want to listen to birds every other day
your hushed whispers in between
we giggle as our toes scrunch the sand
sand angels and the warmth of the fire
flickers and ashes, reminding us of tales of the past

i want to take a road trip somewhere
burn the maps
all we need is the fire in our chests
and the childlike joy in our step
let's skip somewhere we've never been
and show everyone that it's ok to be joyful

I want to go on a picnic
make our own meal...or attempt it
lie in the grass befriending the creatures
look at the stars and take pictures
i want to watch more foreign films
i want to mute the television and make up monologue
lie on our backs in front of the theater screen and forget about everyone else

i want to eat more foreign foodt
o go along with my foreign films
ticking cardboard boxes...we don't have much time left.
do we now? i think not.
but we can stretch it out.
Father time and Mother nature on our side.

i want to stay in more
instead of going out

where's my hot tea?

crawl out

You and your gift wrap smiles
they're there but all the while
camoflauge everything inside them
reflecting brick walls i can not cross

the people, we pound like rabid dogs
fierce yet fortunate
real eyes realize real lies
baby, don't fret

fight for the ability
show them who you are
and smile through insecurity
uncover the beauty they're missing

shy eyes poured into self doubt
let your lips drop all the bittersweet
and appreciate life
because we've forgotten everything else

bathtub

Sitting in the bath tub
my legs dangling over the side
feet moving rhythmically back and forth
the only place i can think
and it may sound silly
the only place no one will bother me

murmers outside the miniscule window overhead
cars starting, neighbors chattering, gossip and wind
its all just wind swirling around rocks and dirt
and words
i take a sip of my water and set it carefully on the edge
as if im a native in a forest
barely breathing
attempting to go under the radar
not wanting to be sensed, detected
by anyone on the outside
the enemy

The most i have learned about my neighbors have been from this cold white box
people reveal the most about themselves when they are unaware
that anyone is watching
someone is always watching,
or listening
from my small window i can hear their conversation
whether it's with a fellow neighbor
or with themselves
sometimes it's with God
all that matters is that they can be true somewhere
and i love listening to the storiesl
ike a swallow that built its nest in the eave of a house
if they only knew

they don't know that i know more than most will about them
because no one else bothers to listen
caught up in ourselves
we are talented actors
performing on a stage called everyday all the time
standing ovation for you all, you have deceived everyone
but i would rather sit in a bathtub than be in a play

pretty much...

my entire day can be summed up in this picture.



hahaha.
WHICH i took.

zer we go.

July madness

July 1st.

I like sleeping in.
If I get up any time before 11, I consider it early.

Today, something took over my body,
because my body decided to get up
and go to Denny's with Jessica...
in our pajamas and bed-head hair.

pancakes n eggs.
:)

Who am I today?