Just realize

I hear people asking all the time
"Why can't people just be vulnerable with one another?"

And you know what, being vulnerable is such a hard thing to do.
People get afraid of rejection, opinions, and other such things.
But I want to be as honest as I can possibly be.
I want to be vulnerable.
Tell people what exactly what I feel.
Shine internally with God's love
Share that love with others


Because really, what have I got to lose?
I got me some Jesus. That's all I need.
:]

La di da di da

I've started a new project.
(...but Rachel, you haven't finished any of your old ones)
I know, I realize I start a new project every day pretty much, but this one I am sticking to.

I've kept a diary since the 7th grade, and I plan to keep one until I die.
1. Because writing is great therapy.

and

2. Because when I'm old, I can read through them and relive all my memories.

SO, I have begun a written diary.
I've kept my diary on the computer for 2 years now, and I'm losing creative energy because of it.
So, I have purchased a red journal (complete with recycled paper, as I do love zee trees)
and this red journal will be full of thoughts, dreams, art, clippings, photos, and doodles.
It's my mind on paper.

I'm so excited about it.


Another thing,
I positively love reading complete strangers' blogs.
It's quite refreshing to hear different views on things.

If anyone reads this, ever, tell me.
I want to know!

You are always good.

I don't know who I've become in these past two years.
But I do know who's got a hold of me.
God has captured my heart this past year, after all these years of my snatching it from his fingertips.
It is a liberating thing to abandon all society has pushed into your head.
To stand up as a "light in the darkness".

It's the most difficult thing in the entire world.
I still haven't got it right, but i'm trying.
(and failing...ALOT.)

It frustrated me every time I give into society.
every time I say something mean
or every time I think something mean
I beat myself up for it.

Thinking, "God, help me, I can't be a light.
I'm just not bright enough for you.
My light is burning out."

But every time I think that, pray that.
I ALWAYS receive a divine sign, encouraging me, nudging me forward.
I always receive a flame to re-light my candle.

Lately, I've been feeling the holy spirit so often.
I used to hear people talk about "feeling God" and "hearing him"
and I was like "WHAAAA?"


but now, I'll see something, or hear something
that stirs my heart
and makes it overflow with a frustrated feeling of helplessness.
and awe, and thankfullness.
and it makes me want to leap into action, and help everyone.
I cry for those people that are so defiant of God.
so eager to run away from him.
and I think, Who is this amazing God?
That can cause my heart to be so easily overwhelmed and brought to tears?

He is so amazing.
I wish everyone could see it.

Sick Day (5th edition)

I have been sick for 5 days now.
If it turns into 6, I am going to be livid.

S-ad
I-cky
C-razy-terrible
K-iller

That brought me back to kindergarten, where they used to give us those to teach us a valuable lesson.

Like:

B-asic
I-instruction
B-efore
L-eaving
E-arth


But really, the sick-ness-osity must cease.
I can not take it anymore.
I actually (dare I say it) miss school.




I would say the only good part about being sick all day is watching Jackass re-runs.

When those fail to entertain me, at least I have the wonderful comics of the talented natalie dee to keep me occupied.