You are always good.

I don't know who I've become in these past two years.
But I do know who's got a hold of me.
God has captured my heart this past year, after all these years of my snatching it from his fingertips.
It is a liberating thing to abandon all society has pushed into your head.
To stand up as a "light in the darkness".

It's the most difficult thing in the entire world.
I still haven't got it right, but i'm trying.
(and failing...ALOT.)

It frustrated me every time I give into society.
every time I say something mean
or every time I think something mean
I beat myself up for it.

Thinking, "God, help me, I can't be a light.
I'm just not bright enough for you.
My light is burning out."

But every time I think that, pray that.
I ALWAYS receive a divine sign, encouraging me, nudging me forward.
I always receive a flame to re-light my candle.

Lately, I've been feeling the holy spirit so often.
I used to hear people talk about "feeling God" and "hearing him"
and I was like "WHAAAA?"


but now, I'll see something, or hear something
that stirs my heart
and makes it overflow with a frustrated feeling of helplessness.
and awe, and thankfullness.
and it makes me want to leap into action, and help everyone.
I cry for those people that are so defiant of God.
so eager to run away from him.
and I think, Who is this amazing God?
That can cause my heart to be so easily overwhelmed and brought to tears?

He is so amazing.
I wish everyone could see it.